Allowing the Dream
Ever since I can remember I had this dream. I saw myself working together with the greatest creative minds on the planet. We were free. We had no agendas or financial worries. We just had fun following our impulses and created films and art. These projects were delighting, disrupting and transforming people without any agenda. The joy I felt thinking about this didn't come from the thought of attaining some fame or fortune along the way. Nor did it come from some sort of manic mission to save the whales, Gaia and humanity. It was a simple feeling of pure joy and inspiration. I was so excited to see my ideas come to life and then quickly transcend beyond me. These ideas were like little children. They would grow up fast and would get a life of their own. Each idea inviting other sovereign creators to dance and play with it in return. I felt this dream so deeply as a kid and later again when I started directing videos. But looking back…I was just too afraid to take the jump, show myself and dive fully into this dream. Until now.
If you ask me what I did to finally make the jump? I honestly could not tell you.
I definitely kept on dreaming and feeling into this passion that was at the very core of me. But I also forgot about it many times just by just being in every day life. I definitely freaked out, I procrastinated, I played the survival game and went to the edge of my lack
and abundance issues.
So what made it change then? I just stopped digging and looking for answers. And not because I was so good at shifting consciousness or allowing either. I simply got so tired and bored with the same old patterns and drama that I’d rather die trying something new than live another day like this. I literally just wore the human out. But I kept feeling this deep longing to share this dream with the human and not exclude it. I got this cool body that can do all kinds of sensual things and I just given up on overthinking everything…so why not use my newfound allowing to really experience it?
The dream of “what” just came together with the “why” and “where”. The only thing missing was the “when” and “how”? And then in 2016, during the Bon workshop in Hawaii it hit me.
What if I work backwards from the dream and make a documentary about the experience? It sure would be cathartic for me and maybe inspire others to look at this journey differently.
And here, between the palm trees, a light Pacific breeze and what can only be described as a heroic-sized cocktail…the documentary Rude Awakening was born.
And what a potent cocktail it is... I remember Jonathan and I talking many times about the vision of traveling and interviewing people from all over the world.
We knew this documentary wanted to be made but it was almost like an extremely fleeting mirage. One second it was there and oh so clear but the next it was just a faint memory of a dream. Was it real? Was it just fantasy?
Looking back on my life that seemed to be a red thread: Feeling there's so much more for me out there. I couldn't pin it down. It was like a constant ringing in my head.
Meeting Jonathan, that nebulous impenetrable ball of wool unravelled slowly. Here was another dreamer (read: master) that hadn't quite forgotten to follow that distant call. It almost seemed we needed each others permission to open the gate and run with it.
Sitting under the palm trees in magical Hawaii we opened our very own dream gates and realized:
The story that wants to be told is OURS. We just needed to find others that opened their gates.
Shortly after the BON workshop the adventure started. We created the Masters Hub where consciousness pioneers from all over the world connect and share the good, the bad and the ugly. At the time I didn't realize, that was already the beginning of our Rude Awakening avalanche.
To share the journey with others, to know I was not alone or going crazy was the biggest gift.
What is the common denominator in all of our experiences? And how does that journey look like when you’re in Asia, the Middle East, Europe or America? I was just so curious.
The more we talked about it, the clearer the vision for the documentary became. Whether we had the skills to do it was never the discussion. Jonathan is a master mind when it comes to distilling stories to the essence and my intuition and background in coaching was the perfect match for the next step to ground this project.
For a short while we thought we could do it alone, but eventually realized that this vision wanted to be so much more than just a little cute YouTube documentary.
It became its own entity that would communicate very clearly what it needed and so we allowed yet once more…
Come with me for a moment. The year, 2018. January. Southern-Oregon this time of year is fantabulous. Resting on a beautiful madrone above the city, I then called home, I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular when suddenly indescribable emotion washed over me. I sat in awe as beautiful strips of an amazing and jaw dropping tale, my life, flashed before me. I saw and felt all the players. How I cast them and gave them their Oscar winning roles. I cannot recall how long I sat there but I remember clearly what it meant for me.
The inner voice that guided me to that point, through all my experiences, releasing, tests and dark nights, gently whispered you are here. I am here. You are free! Now choose! I sat baffled. With a deep breath I realised what was happening… Nova vita! My new life was here. I felt in to the possibilities. Do I stay here? Do I return to my birthplace and family? My beloved New Orleans? Or do I dare something new? Something bold, daring and outrageous! Yes! But Oh how many times have we tried to “make” this a reality? How many times did awesome ideas, business ventures, collaborations with “others” wind up in the shitter? Shhh, the voice whispered to my mind! Choose. What have you always wanted to do? To experience?
Here, my first passion. True passion. Reawakened. My self expression through the arts. Especially film. An amazing conduit through which man’s creative abilities can thrive, captivate, entertain, inspire, delight and transform. Even for a moment, reminding the viewer glimpses of other worlds. Finally, the filmmaker and story teller in me rejoiced. And in this memorable moment, my dear friends Sandra and Jonathan popped in. Yes, I was aware of their project, Rude Awakening. And where they were with it. Sitting on that madrone I clearly saw what it could be and so I reached out to them. Without agenda, I shared my insights and vision as a fellow filmmaker. To my delight, they agreed and we jumped.
Fast forward to five months ago. I found myself in a different country just to be part of a life changing project. This project reminded me of what it felt like to “create” in the new. So much so that we created our own film studio. Imagine that boldness. The cojones to create our own stories, our own content, weaved and peppered with our knowingness and wisdom!
In a short span of time we’ve endured “the good, the bad and the ugly” of what it’s like to individually and collectively release “the old”. And birth a bold new vision like Rude Awakening.
So here we are, ancient friends, awake in this dream documenting a hell of a story… Our story!